there might be cake

walking across the green (at Brown), a table set up with a poster about

Alzheimers disease. a bake sale. for a dollar I bought a yellow cupcake with chocolate frosting to stem the tide of forgetting.

there were other pastries there, too, but no longer sure which - rice krispies squares, some chocolate chip cookies, maybe and i honestly forget what all else.

so, like the rice site and the breast cancer click here thing, i wonder, do the people selling the things they baked actually raise more money than they spent, do they raise awareness or did i just stop because of cake?

I feel is a specific absence

today, september 11, 2009.

a big day for many.  a big day? what does that mean? what doesn’t that mean?

a small day.  one month since my last cigarette.

a little more than five months since my father died.  his wife told us that we might want to bury something along with the wooden box containing his ashes.  people looked like they were considering this seriously.

hmm, I thought.  hmm.

on the back of one of my business cards i wrote [the words] there might be cake.

on the one hand, this is ludicrous.  i don’t even know how much my father liked cake. i don’t think he had anything resembling a belief in an afterlife, and yet it seemed important, just in case. to send him off with a note of something hopeful.  a good maybe.

hmm

so maybe this is a blog that no one will read but that maybe I’ll write ?