that thing where there is no solace easily to hand
throwback thursday, june
the last time I saw penisgate.
currently. listening, answering email, working on work
miscmissmimi tagged me
The Ten Questions thing
1. What is your middle name and were you named after anyone?
Bea. I don’t know. It might have been Beth, but the prevailing opinion was that it would sound too much like the name of a synagogue: Janet Beth Isserlis.
hence, Bea. not sure why. not entirely.
2. What is the best food you have ever eaten and where?
oh god. best is big. it’s very very big. lobster comes to mind, though it shouldn’t, both awful minutes and best best best minutes sun ocean someone or once or twice in the kitchen on sheldon street someone else,
3. If you could have any career what would it be?
mine, for a while. I’d love to be a hospice worker. maybe soon.
4. What has been your favorite place to travel to and why?
south of france, when I lived there. travel? maybe new york as well as places where people I love live. Wales, France, Ireland, England. Asia and Africa, which are continents but also places I’d like to go to, although that’s not, strictly speaking, the question.
5. If you had to give up your knowledge on how to ride a bike or swim which would you choose?
bike. fish don’t need bicycles.
6. Who has had the biggest influence on you and why?
what’s with all the -ests? biggest?
my mother. because reasons. when I’m anything worth being it’s through her example. else, not so much.
7. What is your worst nightmare and/or best dream?
worst nightmare at the moment, or can I just say pretty bad one. p ups and leaves and we can’t find him and danger ensues. best dream? p can go where he wants and be well. also people I love are well and love me back because selfish.
8. What is one thing that will always make you laugh?
anything balls out funny, not at anyone’s expense. unexpected juxtapositions
9. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
oh god. again with the maybe. hospice. working.
10. You’re walking around naked, are you on a beach or in the middle of a big city?
beach in the city - Wreck Beach, Vancouver.
My Ten Questions for you
1.sleeping: side, back, stomach? which side? all? some?
2. what are you wearing?
3. binaries: paper/plastic? beer/wine? pen/pencil? yin/yang?
4. someone you admire. why?
5. someone you do not admire? why?
6. book - bus trip, waiting for something for a long time. what do you want to read?
7. road trip music - go to songs for setting out and arriving?
8. best most interesting question you’ve ever been asked? (or a pretty good one?)
9. languages spoken?
10. If heaven exists, what do you think St Peter would say to the actors’ studio guy?
Dear DrawBridge Students,
Here is a video of kid thinking something over in a deep way. How old do think you have to be to be able think things over in a way that counts? Does it happen before you can explain it another person? Do you need to be able to talk before you can think something over?
in bed, too tired to sleep
the realization : I’m the age s was when he died
in the kitchen writing this fact
after the almost daily refutation: this time because of laundry in the basket
I’m leaving tomorrow
you’re not. to go where?
and then not sleeping
and then the numbers
something I wrote to b this morning: had a thought about grief, and beach glass and erosion and time. none of it very interesting, but noticing how it’s been almost three years since steve died and how some days it’s surreal and unimaginable and others it’s more calm and quiet. you know the drill. it does soften in some ways, though over time. it hurts., but differently. almost muted.
and then some days it pierces and then some days I can’t breathe for missing my mother and for loss and I don’t say all of this to b, but I don’t have to as he knows it his own self in his own way and ways.
p wants to go, seems to feel in his cells the need to leave and for just this minute there is no where, no one place or places for him to go to, to get to, and no means of egress, of getting. crushing.
late august. the hardest saddest days. all the saddest days are the saddest ones.
sun in sharp and muted light. impossible
extra half hour laundry walk fast fast to whole wallet beans bananas cheese stuff other stuff dryer thing thing ten minutes maybe left outside sit
speaking of trees
this one gradually lost many of its branches and leaves post hurricane sandy. have many hammock-view photos of all the leaves taken the past few summers.
the shapes and the light from may til now and into the autumn all catch in my throat.